How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
I consider ALL arguments in support of my views
The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast
If you're "not yourself today", enjoy it while ya can
People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it`s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
if it weren't for space and time, I wouldn't be where I am today!
If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
I don't mind taking a risk, as long as I know everything will turn out okay
Cigarettes smoke. You're just the sucker..
It still bugs me that my Dads last words were "I buried the million dollars in the.....".
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?
I. R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
I can't use my pocket knife, it's too dark in there.
We moved down here for the Southern Comfort.
David Carradine drinks Grasshoppers.
Sometimes it just doesn't pay not to work.
Genealogy - life in the past lane.
We don't want to be moving down stream with no direction.
It's pretty vague, it's pretty wishy-washy, it's pretty undefined, if you know what I mean.
Sometimes I think I'm the only team player around here.
How do you explain counterclockwise to a kid who grew up with a digital watch?
You should never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fist.
How do you throw away a garbage can?
God give me patience, and I mean right NOW!
The person who invented the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.
Is there ever a time when something is "in whack"?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
El Nino Made Me Do It
Measure once - cut twice.