The Lost Knowledge of Swezey,

"I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV..."

I'll see it when I believe it.

I just saw that new Titanic movie, it was great. I can't wait for the sequel.

I'm a fat man trapped in a fat man's body.

I thought Oedipus Rex was a dinosaur that loved his mother.

There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't. 

Although it has been proven that drug use damages your ability to concentrate.

My work is top secret - even I don't know what I'm doing.

Behind every successful man is a women - telling him he's doing everything wrong.

Give me the facts straight - I can mix them up when I quote you.

I'm my own worst enemy, but you're running a close second.

Quiet people aren't the only ones who don't say much.

As an outsider - what do you think of the Human Race?

My wife is tempermental - 90% temper, 10% mental.

You have a photographic mind - too bad it never developed.

Show me a man who smiles when everything goes wrong and I'll show you an idiot. 

Let's all work together as a team - everybody do what I say.

You can't take it with you - it's gone before you are.

The only man who ever got all his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

I am not a problem drinker - I never drank a problem in my life.

Let's keep this conversation on an intellectual level - you just listen. 

Worry kills more people than work because more people worry.

My door is always open  - so take the hint - leave.

What's on your mind - if you'll pardon the exaggeration.

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man mighty tired by late afternoon.

Who's afraid of recessions? I've failed during boom times. 

Anyone here not fired with enthusiasm soon will be.

We live by the golden rule - the guy with the gold makes the rule.

Love your enemies - whisky - tabacco - women.

Save string while you're young - later on you'll have a ball.

I'll own this place some day - if they keep giving me the business. 

Why do it now? It'll be obsolete tomorrow.

You look too happy - isn't the boss here today?

Money isn't everything - but it keeps you in touch with the kids.

You're a friend I can depend on to be around when you need me.

If at first you don't succeed so much for skydiving. 

I Like political jokes - unless they get elected.

If you could see yourself as others see you - you'd never believe it.

My advice is free - expenses start when you follow it.

Shall we call in a consultant or louse it up ourselves?

If at first you don't succeed try a little ardor. 

If at first you do succeed try to hide your astonishment.

To make a long story short - just let the boss walk in.

"I brake for hallucinations."
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