The Collected Computer Wisdom of Swezey

Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!

The bugs will go away when you turn off the computer!

General Perception Fault - Reality Terminated..."

**FLASH** Eveready Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. 

Write all complaints legibly in this space -> [ ]

"Press button to test..." ::CLICK:: "Release to detonate."

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

beware of geeks bearing GIFs.

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 

"No keyboard; press F1 to continue"

You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ...

"Press SPACEBAR once to quit or twice to save changes..."

Real programmers don't document. 

Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Sauron is alive and well in Argentina

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. 

The World's Last C Bug:
Shh! Be vewy, vewy qwiewet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwors

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.



One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. 

Help: It said 'Insert disk no.3', but only two will fit

E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981


Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. 

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

Read my chips: No new upgrades!

Hit any user to continue.

2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! 

Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. 

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... 

... A social life? What Web site can I download THAT from?

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