The Secret Wisdom of Swezey

You simply must stop taking advice from other people.

It takes a child to raze a village.

You're going to be asphynxiated if you don't quit playing with that net!

Carbon Monoxide is an odorless gas, and if you smell it, you're in real trouble!

Defeat go over defense before detail.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. 

You have to take the bad with the worse.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.

If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up somewhere else.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it. 

Never judge a book by its movie.

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. 

Doing nothing gets pretty tiresome because you can't stop and rest.

Every time history repeats itself the price goes up.

Footprints on the sands of time are never made by sitting down.

Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them.

The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice. 

A good sermon leaves you wondering how the preacher knew all about you.

If the car industry behaved like the computer industry over the last 30 years, a Rolls-Royce would cost $5, get 300 miles per gallon, and blow up once a year killing all passengers inside.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people? 

If the human brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the odds are a million to one against something occuring, chances are 50-50 it will.

If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.

If you hear an onion ring, answer it.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. 

A metaphor is like a simile.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the precipitate.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, there is. 

Your sister's so fat she's got more chins that a chinese telephone book.

Americans are ignorant about Canada because they are not interested in Africa as a whole.

Because it is so diffcult to get anything translated from Canadian into English.

Why do the Doctors figure that MJ's baby wasn't concieved by intercourse? They keep reffering to it as their GLOVE CHILD

Don't take life so seriously...It's not permanent. 


I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

If you're not confused, you obviously don't know what's going on around here.

I'm 100 percent right 38 percent of the time.

A day without sunshine is like night.

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Created: 04/13/97