If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Death is natures way of telling you it's time to slow down.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
Fairy tales are horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Please Lord, let me prove to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
Why is it drug addicts and computer aficionados are both called users?
If you can't win, make the fellow ahead of you break the record.
Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it; if you are sick, you shouldn't take it.
Never make forecasts, especially about the future.
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
There are moments in life when everything goes well; don't be frightened, it won't last.
No opera plot can be sensible, for in sensible situations people do not sing.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
Only a mediocre writer is always at his best.
A conservative is a man who wants the rules changed so no one can make a pile the way he did.
He takes his children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
Do you know what a pessimist is? A man who thinks everybody as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
There's nothing wrong with the average person that a good psychiatrist can't exaggerate.
I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
Instant gratification takes too long.
Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault.
Ninty percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad name.
Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.
Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.
If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
Artificial Intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's hard to make a program foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
When you get kicked from behind you know you're way out in front.
How many people work for the federal government? No more than half of them.
That's cheap at half the price.
"Huked on Fonics Wurked Fir Mee!"
Good is better than evil, because it's nicer.
You only get free speech if you pay for it.
Let lying dogs sleep.
Leprecauns but lepers can't
When you come to that fork in the road - take it.
Your question deserves a good answer - and I hope you get one.
In the fifties they developed nuclear handgrenades - unfortunately no one could throw them far enough.
If you think health care's expensive now - wait until it's free.
Keep your nose to the brimstone.