(05/07/2020)

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I was watching the news the other night and I noticed they said something 
about some sort of virus going around.

Maybe you've heard something about this, too.

Anyway, I've been asking myself a question I'm sure many people have been 
asking lately.

How can I cash in on this golden opportunity?

What kind of "capitalist pig" would I be if I couldn't profit off the 
suffering and misery of millions of people world-wide?

There must be someway to make a buck off this.

And then it came to me.

SWEZEY MAGIC PLACEBO WATER!

This stuff is great! You can drink it, make Kool-Aid with it, freeze it into 
cubes and add it to soft drinks or cocktails.

You can wash in it, wash your clothes in it, even sprinkle it on you kids, 
although I'm not exactly sure what that will do, but you can do it.

You can water your house plants with it and your lawn - and that would be 
great - because you'll have to buy a lot of it to do that!

And I certainly don't need to tell YOU about the proven benefits of 
placeboes!

Especially when coupled with diet, exercise and proper medical care. Okay, 
diet, exercise and proper medical care probably account for most of that, 
but what the heck.

And it has "placebo" right there in the name!

I'd like to tell you this is a secret family, formula developed by my 
grand-father, Dr. Benjamin Franklin Swezey, M.D., but I can't, because he 
didn't.

But if you want to believe that, it does give it an air of scientific 
legitimacy that it doesn't really deserve.

Remember my motto, "It might, if you THINK it might!"

Now, I know what you're going to say, "But Tom, this stuff just tastes like 
ordinary Minneapolis city tap water, what's the deal?"

Well, I'm sure you can appreciate that I can't reveal the secret formula and 
processes I need to go through to prepare SMPW. Let me just say, I'm sure 
you'd be surprised - or maybe you wouldn't.

SMPW has never been clinically tested anywhere, but I'm sure it is just as 
effective as any other placebo water currently on the market.

So order a quart now today for only $50 plus $20 shipping and handling.

I'm sure you'd agree, that if this stuff really worked it would be cheap at 
twice the price.

I'd like to promise you your money back if you're dissatisfied, but I'll 
probably spend it right away, so I can't.

**************

Okay, I didn't want to do this, but because you're my friend, if you send me 
a truckload of money - wait, make that two truckloads - a truckload does go 
as far as it used to - and, if this stuff ever makes a profit, I'll cut you 
in for a small percentage - (to be determined later - by me).

Now, I have to admit, few (none?) of my schemes has ever panned out before, 
but remember: "It might, if you THINK it might!"


Stay Jazzed! - Stay Home!
--Tom Swezey