01/04/2024

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Some think the first day back to work after the holidays is the most 
depressing day of the year.

So I figure everyone could use a bonus issue of Hit of the Week to lighten up their drab, wretched lives.

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I've secretly been working on a PhD in Cognitive Psychological Rehabilitation Neuroscience.

Ya, I don't know what that is either, but it's got "Psycho-" in it, so I figure it must pay pretty well.

I figure I may need something to fall back on in case this "software development" racket turns out just to be a passing fad.

I had been taking the classes as correspondence courses from Trump University.

Of course that's gone belly up now, so I'm trying to transfer my credits to another college.

So far no luck, but I'm still holding out hope for MacDonald's Hamburger University.

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Anyway, as part of my PhD thesis, I'm taking a survey, then I'll study the results and report my conclusions.

I know you'll want to help, so just copy the survey below, answer the questions in detail (be very specific) and send it back to me.

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Survey Questionnaire:

Of the "sins of your youth":

Which sins did you enjoy the most?

Which sins did you enjoy the least?

Which sins do you still engage in?

Which sins do you WISH you could still engage in, but just can't cut it anymore?

Which sins would you advise a young person to avoid at all costs?

Which sins would you advise a young person to jump into with both feet and really go to town?

Did any of your sins involve a duck billed platypus? If so, how?

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Which other sins do you WISH you HAD engaged in, but never got around to it?

Which other sins do you engage in now?

Which other sins do you plan to engage in soon?

Which other sins do you WISH you could engage in now, but just can't cut it?

Do any of these other sins involve a duck billed platypus? If so, in what way?

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Your privacy is very important! So include $200 in small denomination, unmarked, untraceable, used bills, and I won't use your name anywhere - otherwise I'll feel free to plaster it all over my report - and I know you don't want that.

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I already got one survey response, and it is from some guy who really spooks me out!

I mean, this guy is one sick, twisted, puppy!

He's really scary.

You wouldn't believe some of the answers this sicko gave.

Weird stuff about platypuses.

I'm thinking I should notify the police about this guy - just so they can keep an eye on him - you know - just in case.

I mean this weirdo really ...

Oh, wait a minute, ... that one's mine.

Never mind.

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Thank you in advance for you participation.

And don't forget the $200 privacy fee.

Also, I have a really nice plastic "participation" trophy you can have - for just $500 in small denomination, unmarked, untraceable, used bills.

Just enclose payment with your survey and privacy fee.

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Hamburger University
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamburger_University

Cigareetes, Whusky and Wild, Wild Women
Fra Wikipedia, den frie encyklopædi
https://da.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cigareetes,_Whusky_and_Wild,_Wild_Women


Happy New Year!
And Stay Jazzed!
--Tom Swezey


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