09/22/2022 ****************************************************** How Should Swezey Buy the Farm? If you remember, I first asked this a couple of years ago. I mentioned then that in 1971, I was on a trip out west, (different story - doesn't matter) when I heard a news story on the local radio near Rapid City, SD. A tourist had climbed over a fence to get a close up picture of a buffalo. Evidently, nobody warned them that buffalo aren't domesticated - they're wild animals - NOT just great big cows. Anyway, the buffalo was not amused - it killed them (trampled? gored? not sure - I don't remember the details). I imagine it was some poor slob from out east with his wife and kids wanting to get a special memory of their trip. I guess watching their Dad trampled to death by a buffalo is pretty memorable. (I'd remember that.) Part of me, of course, "says what a horrible tragedy". And I mean that, I really do. It's terrible. But, come on, part of me says "what an idiot", right? Evidently stuff like this happens all the time out there and the locals have coined the word "touron" ("tourist" + "moron") to describe it. ************* Anyway, it got me thinking, I'd like to go like that when my time comes. Oh, not trampled by a buffalo, that's been done. But something really weird like that, really different - the weirder the better :-) Something where 50 years later people will still be saying, "I used to know this Swezey guy and he did X-Y-Z and it killed him! - What an idiot!". Okay, I don't really NEED the "what an idiot" part, but if it's really, spectacularly weird, I'd be okay with that :-) ************* A few years later I saw a story on the news, from a local TV station out west, where a guy was interviewed by a local news person. He said he had studied all about grizzly bears, learned all about them, respected them, and decided he was going to go and live with them for six months or so and then write a book about it - like Jane Goodall and her book "Gorillas in the Mist". Anyway, he went to live with them - and they killed him! Of course they did. - Because they're GRIZZLY BEARS! What an idiot. ************* Another story I heard was about, a guy who was an expert amateur kayaker who decided to kayak over Niagara Falls. That's illegal, so he had his friends help him. They pulled up in a van, plopped the kayak in the river, he jumped in it, kayaked down stream and over the falls - and it killed him! Of course it did. - Because it's NIAGARA FALLS! What an idiot. They asked his friends why they helped him, why didn't they stop him. They said, he was an expert kayaker, they thought he knew what he was doing. I guess idiots of a feather flock together :-) ************* So anyway, I asked my friends "How Should Swezey Buy the Farm?" The best they could come up with is that I should go to New York City and announce that I am going to swim across the Atlantic Ocean to Europe - but instead get run over by a tugboat in the Hudson River and drown. I don't know, swimming in the ocean has sharks and stuff - might not be safe! (Oh wait - that's right - never mind.) Anyway, so far, this is the one to beat :-) ************* So what triggered me to start thinking about this again? Well, I saw an article online, that NASA (the space agency), says that there is now so much space junk - pieces of old rockets and satellites and stuff - falling back to earth all the time, that they predict, that some time in the next ten years, some of it will actually whack somebody and kill them! Wow! - that's got "Tom Swezey" written all over it! :-) Imagine! I could be the very first person in the history of the world to be killed by falling space junk! I figured - this is a real winner! I could even drop the "what an idiot" part - it wouldn't be my fault. (I guess I would have to add "what a loser" instead - but that's okay.) Wait a minute! - Wait a minute! - Wait a minute! They said "some time in the next TEN years"! That's a little too soon for ME! I'm thinking more like a 20 to 30 years out time frame - at least! Ask me again in 20 years. Ten is just way too short! Bummer! I thought I finally had this. So I guess I'm stuck back with the Hudson tugboat thing. ************* So that's why I'm asking again - "How Should Swezey Buy the Farm?" Last time nobody responded! Then I realized - you're all saving your best ideas for YOURSELVES. Okay, okay, I get that. But please, send me your second best ideas, they'll probably do. I'll keep this all anonymous - so don't worry - no one will know. So remember the criteria: - spectacularly weird - unique - and 20 to 30 years out (at least :-) ************* "In case of duplicate prizes - ties will be awarded." :-) Stay Jazzed! --Tom Swezey