08/25/2022

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I used to think "Bigfoot" ("Sasquatch") and the "Loch Ness Monster" ("Nessie") were just silly hoaxes.

But a while back a guy approached me in the parking lot at my grocery store and sold me this picture, which PROVES beyond any doubt that BOTH ARE REAL!

After all "the camera never lies!"
(Okay, Photoshop lies a little - sometimes - but never the camera.)

Best $500 bucks I ever spent!

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The story I got was that Sasquatch seduced a young woman in Washington State, who was really into hairy guys, and convinced her to help him sneak into the U.K.

Once there he then abandoned her and went up to Loch Ness where he proceeded to enslaved poor Nessie.

(Let that be a lesson to you gals about hairy men - you can't ever trust 'em.) 

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Anyway, I'm sure you're as shocked and horrified as I am at this appalling case of animal-on-animal crime!

How dare Bigfoot abuse Nessie like that.

I tried calling Peta, but they told me in so many unpleasant terms to go away and stop calling.

So I've decided to take matters into my own hands and am announcing a "Stop Bigfoot From Abusing Nessie" campaign fund.

I know you'll be glad to contribute.

And I can assure you that at least some of the money will go toward stopping this horrible crime.

Please give generously - there's a lot of overhead - my fee, tickets to the U.K./Scotland, hotel/lodging and did I mention my fee?

Just send me your contributions in small denomination, unmarked bills so that I can free poor Nessie from this abusive brute.

Unfortunately, none of this is tax deductible - in fact the less said to the government about what I'm up to the better.

Maybe I'll drop you a post card from Loch Ness.

Maybe.


Bigfoot (Sasquatch)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigfoot

Loch Ness Monster
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loch_Ness_Monster

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