| A lot
of games lately have been more like interactive movies than
traditional video games. Shenmue and Metal Gear Solid are perhaps
the best of these games, and now The Bouncer is unquestionably the
worst of them.
This is literally how the game works
(and no, this is not a joke):
- Watch a DVD-quality full-screen
pre-rendered movie (which may or may not be in 5.1 surround
sound)
- Punch or kick some bad guy drones
(5 or so is typical).
- Save and power up your character.
- Repeat.
The actual gameplay is absolutely
pathetic. Punching and kicking are sluggish and it's common to
unexpectedly miss opponents when it seems contact is a sure thing. Most gameplay
sections last less than two minutes, and those that last longer do
so because of the confusing and repetitious environments.
By far the most aggravating flaw in the
brief bits of gameplay is the ordeal you must go through to continue
when you lose. First, you must wait for the title screen to load.
Then you must re-load your game, and then you must tediously use the
controller to access menus and skip 5 or so movie sections that
you've just seen (as part of a whole sequence). All of this is
required to just retry a minute or two of gameplay.
Squaresoft is world renowned for
their CG work and emotional stories, but The Bouncer is like a bad cliché.
The heroes are all the stereotypical moody and reluctantly-good type
(they even have the standard spikey hair). The women are either
overly cutesy and kind, or overly nasty and vixen-like. And of
course there's an evil, heartless, multinational corporation behind
all of the wrong-doing in the game. At the head of this evil
corporation is a misguided young man who was wronged by society as a
young lad. Yes, the story is really that trite -- and it isn't even
very detailed or well told!
Since it only takes an hour or so to
play through the story once, it can be marginally interesting to
spend another hour and play with different characters to see the
subtle plot twists that can occur. Once an afternoon has been
spent, however, this game has been completely wrung dry of anything
worthwhile. There are also a
multiplayer versus mode and a one player survival mode, but why
would anyone want to spend time with their friends playing with such
a poor fighting engine?
Even the graphics are a
disappointment. The character models are high-poly, but you'll find
it hard to admire them due to the wicked form of anti-aliasing that
square has used. Everything in the distance appears slightly blurred
as if Vaseline had been smeared over it and the game's odd motion
blur actually made it very difficult to grab a clear screenshot for
this review.
Still, if you're curious enough to
give this a rental, you probably won't feel completely robbed of
your cash. But don't say I didn't warn you.
| Overall
Rating: Definite Miss |
|
