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Warrior Index

Though of diametrically opposed tribal affiliations, Hack and Flack are so nearly identical that a single description will suffice for both variants. Hack and Flack are the front-line tribal soldiers; unquestionably loyal, single-minded, committed, energetic and nauseatingly earnest. They are the organizers, ward heelers, fund raisers, pamphleteers, door-to-door knockers, and pitchmen, the most visible of which routinely shill for their tribe in syndicated newspaper columns or as guests on political talk shows.

Hack and Flack’s exuberant partisanship equips them with a (sometimes) amusing facility to rationalize and spin their candidates’ staggeringly moronic pronouncements, clumsy gaffes, base personal behavior and incoherent policy positions. Talented or veteran Hacks and Flacks can do this without the slightest trace of irony.

Though Hack usually exudes an air of being self-consciously hip, and Flack affects a labored sort of respectable normalcy, their outward style and appearance are not a reliable identifiers, In the past, Flack’s painfully retrograde haircut and unfashionable suit was a dead giveaway, but in recent years Flack has become more discerning and marginally aware of cultural trends, so his former lack of taste and general cluelessness are no longer as definitive as they once were.

In battle Hack and Flack pay close attention to opposing arguments and tactical maneuvers, but only in order to prepare the strongest possible defence or counterattack. They have no interest whatsoever in thoroughly fathoming the opposing point of view, and even after decades of close combat it remains unclear whether they actually have any real understanding of each other.

Heavily armored with party line orthodoxy, and always hunkered down in well defended positions, Hack and Flack may momentarily waver under a determined attack, but they never suffer comprehensive defeat in battle. Even the most powerful Warriors eventually weary of hammering on them and will quit the field thoroughly exhausted without having made the tiniest dent in Hack and Flack's tough shields.

Hacks and Flacks can be formidable, though highly predictable Warriors – especially the more rhetorically gifted among them, but their agility in combat is seriously limited by the sheer weight of party dogma they carry.