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Warrior Index

Cogitator is often found among academics, but many Cogitators of very modest academic achievements posture as this variant of tribal Warrior. His fundamental characteristic is a closely held view that Republicans are just plain dumb, or if not exactly dumb then afflicted with a mysterious cognitive dissonance that renders them unable to arrive at the correct or reasonable conclusions. Cogitator considers any facts, data or opinions of dubious merit if they support Republican positions.

Many Cogitators employ an extremely nimble fighting style that leans heavily on ironic humor and dismissive sarcasm. The more plodding Cogitators, however, generally shield themselves with weary condescension. In either case, Cogitator reflexively assumes Republicans are misinformed, incapable of making important distinctions, and ignorant of critical, though often obscure research. For Cogitator, terms like “right wing” and “conservative” are synonymous with “bigot” and “clueless”.

Though often a very powerful Warrior, Cogitator totally depends on his sense of intellectual superiority, and when that conceit comes into question he can be a surprisingly fragile Warrior. A few well-aimed blows at the quality of his scholarship, the status of his university, or what he has published will send weaker Cogitators reeling or instantly arouse a venomous petulence. Understanding his insecurity and thorough preparation are neccesary to defeat Cogitator.

NOTE: Cogitator are abjectly paranoid of exhibiting even the slightest hint of racism, sexism, and other taboo PC-isms. Accusing Cogitator of secretly or even unknowingly harboring any of the various “ism” attitudes can be a very effective diversionary tactic.

Like Cogitator, Wonk desperately clings to his intellectual conceits, and is similarly insecure, but for slightly different reasons; because his political views constitute a distinct minority among the intellectual elite, Wonk's insecurity often takes the form of pugnacious defensiveness. He sees enemies on all sides; Marxist professors, left-wing media bias, ethnic hucksters, tree huggers, revisionist historians, big government running amok, and a constellation of hostile liberals running public institutions into the ground. Wonk’s single-minded mission is to hector the left whenever possible.

Wonk’s arguments are well rehearsed because he spends hour after hour by himself arguing with Public Radio. He beavers away at uncovering tendentious statistics, studies, and articles to strengthen his rhetorical arsenal, and, of course, he completely ignores material that contradicts his views. The more sophisticated Wonks freely reference Hayek, Friedman, and Adam Smith, while more proletarian Wonks tend to brandish Ayn Rand.

Wonk's lecturing style of battle often alienates even those inclined to agree with him, yet he seems convinced that tenacious repetition will wear down the opposition. Wonk has mixed feelings towards other tribal Republicans; he finds the religious right incomprehensible and repugnant - but politically useful, he has an aversion to the suburbs, and, outside of political posturing, doesn’t have much interest in or contact with the lower social orders.

CAUTION: In the not-so-distant past Wonks were almost always instantly recognizable because they were such big stiffs - on campus a member of the Young Republicans stood out like a cannibal at cotillion. Now, however, a post-Reagan generation of Wonks has multiplied, adapted and mingles freely among us.