Pass the Grog, me teeth be' hurtin'.
Well it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog,
It's all for me beer and tobacco.
For I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin,
Far across the western ocean I must wander.
Where are me boots, me noggin', noggin' boots,
They're all gone for beer and tobacco.
For the heels they are worn out and the toes are kicked about
And the soles are looking out for better weather.
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Aaah, the lassies. I do think they be fine, I really do. I don't mind the gentlemen like me the navigator n' all that, but I'll go to a wench for a belly rub any day, savvy?
I could really be a-usin' some grog. Me teeth are now all gone n' the new ones growin' in. I kind of liked my toothless grin, but the Captain wasn't too impressed. For a while I was nicknamed Short-stack Sharkbait because of my double row o' canines, n' that had the captain a little worried. She got a-plenty of good advice, but upon hearin' that she'd be takin' me to the ship's doctor if they didn't fall on their own, I worked extra hard at gettin' em outta there. Success! I'm so brave. Two of 'em came out because of me tuggin' on me leash. I *told* the Captain it was a good idea, but she didn't believe me! Can you imagine that? |
See, now there's me totally innocent look! |
Gnarrr! Tasty note, n' an even better book! |
Adventurous Amazing Amandarrr sent me a book about Pirates. I'm showin' it to ye all, it's the bestest book on Pirates ever! The piece of green paper is the note she sent with the book. I ate it. The note, not the book. I didn't want anyone seein' me all excited o'er Auntie Amandarrrr thinkin' of me - gotta keep me image up n' all that - n' so I ate the note so no one would know I get me some care packages from aunties. No one knows I sleep with my stuffies, either. I like it that way, so I be countin' on you all to keep ye mouths shut 'bout it, m'kay? Yarr. Remember that dead men (and wenches) tell no tales, n' I know how to use me teeth to make ye silent, savvy? Fierce. Arrrr. |
It's been pretty calm seas out here, with the exception of the tooth thing. The Captain and Auntie Emily have been workin' hard with the new kidlets on their springtime operetta. Wouldn't ye know it, there are *pirates* in the operetta! Six of 'em! All of 'em are very fierce (and under 3ft8) and I've been teachin' 'em how to be piratey. They be learnin' fast, but they don't really like to be herded. The Captain kinda gave me an earful when I decided to take off durin' dance/movement lessons n' herded the kids in the middle of the room. Apparently ye aren't supposed to do that. |
I'm so handsome all the wenches throw themselves at me feetses. |
I be growin' right fast. Soon I will be six whole months and be a-dockin' near the place called Showring to play with the big boys. I bet ye all that this time, I'll catch me the guy in front of me n' take him back to the ship for a questionin'. Then I'll steal all his kibble n' snacks n' everyone'll fear me. Or something like that. Captain says I kind of have to learn not to wiggle me wiggler so hard because I don't stand still when I do that - I look like a pretzel. Wonder what a Pretzel is. Bet ye it ain't as fierce as me.
A cup o' grog in ye honor!
~Pirate.
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