Pirate's Log Book

Walking the Plank

The Captain made me walk the plank. I was on shore-leave, minding me own business, digging up treasure in the snow, when she brought me inside and told me I was stinky. I said, "Duh... Pirate!" but she wouldn't hear it. She mumbled something about needing to share her cabin with me and that this stink would simply not do. There was apparently something stinky in my pantaloons. I was hopin' to save that for later when we were gonna be a-boardin' an enemy ship, but the Captain gave me "the look" n' I knew I'd better keep me mouth under control. She brought me to the upper deck and the Toller of Nine Tails looked afeared. If the Toller of Nine Tails looks to be spooked, you can bet your pantaloons that I'd rather get the heck out of dodge. That's when she walked me to the plank. The rest of the crew stood there, pretending to look away, probably hopin' they weren't next. That's when it happened. She made me walk the plank and into the dreaded soapy water place that simply is NOT fit for a pirate. I protested but in the end, she won. Someday, SOMEDAY I will take over and there will no longer be baths!

Me teeth still be buggin' me. I tried to chew on the hull but the Captain said no. I be growin' really fast and I find it hard to figure out where me bottom and sea legs be. I went to see the ship doctor this week n' he poked and prodded me in places no one should be poked and prodded. I was very fierce until this torture device was rudely poked into a place that's meant for things to come OUT of, not go IN.

Yar yar yaaaaaaar! I tried to be brave. Then they gave me some jabs so I wouldn't get scurvy. That really wasn't me idea of a fun time. We met an ol' greyhound waitin' to be poked and prodded. She didn't look too good but she came to rub noses with me. I was very polite since I knew she didn't seem to be feelin' too good. Captain said somethin' about a stroke, so maybe someone should pet her some more if that be the problem. I hope she be okay. The ship doctor is a good man. I bet he did his best for the ol' dame.

The First Mate n' I have been gettin' into more trouble than before. We both like to spread our treasure everywhere on the deck. The Toller of Nine Tails doesn't seem to be a-mindin', but the Captain sometimes says somethin' along the lines of "blasted puppies", whatever that means. As long as she doesn't start shootin' us out of cannons, I suppose it be alright. We like to have our loot out and about so we can pick out the toys we'd like to be a-playin' with. Polly is still around, even if she still be very obnoxious.

Well, time for me to get to me duties for today. There be lots to do and a celebration tonight. The Captain n' the Navigator have been at sea together for a year today. Surprisingly, there's been no mutiny n' the Captain hasn't made HIM walk the plank. Unfair, let me tell ya. In partin', here be a picture of me after going through me loot to find a very specific piece o' booty. I think I feel asleep. It was a lot of hard work!

Smooth sailings to you all, n' may the wind be at your backs. Keep clear o' the Jolly Roger n' nobody gets hurt. Arr.

~Pirate