Pirate's Log Book

Pirate's Double Concerto for Doorstop and Woofings in G minor

Who'd ever have thought that a wee four an' a half month ol' pupper could learn to master polyphony? Yarrrr! Me Captain is a musical captain - teaches young sailors, she does, n' they sing n' play all sorts of chanteys I don't really know. Some of those young sailors are fine young lasses who think I be the most handsomest pirate on the Minnesotan shores. Yarrrr, says I. I be developpin' me musical skills by playin' the Doorstop. The Doorstop is an ancient pirate instrument, I'll have ye all know. When accompanied by woofings and barkings, it can help create beautiful music. Unfortunately, the Captain doesn't seem to approve of me composin' style. There be no pleasin' some people. Okay, so it's not exactly pretty counterpoint, but at least I be tryin'! The Toller of Nine Tails only squeaks on key (and in a minor key only - sounds more pityful that way), n' the First Mate can't carry a barkin' tune in a bucket. She can tip the buckets, though, but that be a totally different matter. Someday I'll tip *her* in the buckets. We'll see how she likes them apples.

I be in a foul mood this past week. Me teeth are fallin' and new ones are erupting. And 'ere I thought I'd get me a nice piratey smile with missin' teeth and all... but no. Arrrrgh... Them there premolar things are itchin', I can tell. Wonder if the captain will get me some gold caps for me new teeth.

I've been practicing me tricks. The Captain says it will make the wenches really like me, so I suppose I should mind me work. I be gettin' pretty good with them there basics like "Fetch it up, ye scurvy dog", n' "Drop n' gimme twenty", and "Hit the deck!" and "Avast!". The Captain says it will feel silly to use those in that strage land called Obediencering. Dunno where that be, but it sounds exotic. Maybe there be nice wenches there. Aussie wenches. Mm. I also be workin' on me "Light the lamps!" command, me "Put yer paw up there, bilge rat!" n' me "Pick up that paper doubloon n' hold it." The Captain says we don't get to work on that for a bit now since I be bleedin' n' losin' teeth everywhere lately. She thinks I be strange because I'm the only cabin boy she's ever had who didn't mind takin' paper doubloons in between me teeth. It's the pirate in me.

Speakin' of doubloons n' treasure, I should probably get me tired bones to bed an' contemplate today's lessons. Tomorrow I be workin' on "put yer paw up there" n' "where's yaaaarrrr nose?" I be puttin' pictures of me workin' up here so you all can see how handsome I am.

I wanted to share with yas a picture of me fellow crewmate with a sea creature. Here's a picture of our beloved Provost, the Toller of Nine Tails, with a lobster on his head:

He says it's a normal thing where he's from, in Nova Scotia. Could be worse, I suppose - could be a Newf. Then we'd have a picure of him kissin' the cod n' getting screeched in. *shudder*.

Well, off I be before I get into deeper trouble. I discovered countersurfin' this week since me legs are now long enough to reach. Lots of treasure is now in my reach! Muhahahaha. Yarrrr!

~Pirate