Pirate's Log Book

A Pirate at the Fringe

Thursday night, me Captain dressed me in me finest n' told me, "Yarr, wee Pirate, today, ye be cultivated." Thinkin' she be meanin' to take me sorry hide to the garden n' plant me alongside the turnips n' the potatoes, I was a little concerned. (There be plenty o' reasons to warrant such an action. I've been sufferin' from a terrible case o' the naughties.)

The good news be that this cultivatin' required no plantin'. We sailed to the Illusion Theatre n' waited for our turn to be entertained. There were no wenches for entertainment, which was disapointin', so the Captain n' I walked around the lobby practicin' me skills. I wowed bystanders with me fancy german-style heelin' n' me vocabulary (I be a verbose pirate when I want to be). I showed chairs, stairs, tables, found ramps and railings, n' did some fancy pirate-y drills showin' how I be all disciplined n' such.

Just after the Captain told me "School's Out!" a friendly lad named Charlie came by to give me some well-earned respect (n' snuggles, but don't tell, that'll ruin me pirate-y cred.) He had been watchin' me display o' skills! He was very afeared, of course, because I am such a fierce creature. He wanted to say hello, n' did so by kneelin' on the ground, puttin' his hands behind his back n' offerin' me his neck! When no one was watchin', I gave him some quick smooches n' let him rub me tummy. He n' the Captain talked about spines n' dogs n' then it was time for him to go get ready for his show.

This theatre place wasn't too bad. I found me a spot where I had plenty o' room to snooze. Just as I was a-zonkin' out, I heard Mr. Charlie's voice n' sat up with a start, n' looked o'er his way. I knew his voice at once! There he was, standin' bravely on the stage, tellin' the grippin' story of a fearsome king by the name o' Gilgamesh. I didn't really understand the story (especially the bit about the snakes and the stone things), but think that Utnapishtim would make a great name for a brave aussie puppy. I dozed through the story, hearin' bits n' pieces, n' dreamed. Now, I be certain that there was a pair o' aussies on Utnapishtim's ark. That'd explain how all them animals stayed calm, collected, n' in a circle for 40 days and 40 nights. T'was very inspirational, even for a pirate like me. Someday I will slay the great Humbaba, n' maybe Mr. Charlie will tell the stories of a Great Pirate King (me!) when I be ol' and grey. Uncle John said that Mr. Bethel returns in October for a second round o' stories. We'll have to go. I'll bring him biscuits. Maybe he'll tell me a story o' pirates n' wenches.

Friday, there was more culturin'. Between this theatre thing, n' me tutoring, I be so very cultured now! Someone even has drawn me blood in the past, ye know... though the Toller o' Nine Tails is ahead of me some, as he's had cultures in his ears.

We saw Kung Fu Hamlet on Friday, n' that was a little strange because there was lots of clappin' and hootin' from the audience. I cheered too - only once - n' boofed. I was a-cheerin' for Hamlet, of course, since he be kickin' fur n' takin' names. If I hadn't been born a pirate, I'd be a Shaolin monk! Or maybe a ninja. Maybe I can still be a ninja-pirate. I certainly be very stealthy n' I already know how to throw things at me Captain's head to get her attention.

For dinner, the Navigator n' the Captain met up with the Benderses n' had grub at the local Tapas Bar. There, there be a Lady Who Dances. She stomps her feet quite a lot - enough that the floor, it be vibratin'! Olé! There was no way for a pirate, fearsome or no, to sleep through THAT. I wasn't worried - I be brave - but it was loud n' kinda sounded like someone was knockin' on the door. A lot. With a very very big hammer. If the Captain had let me go see, I think I would have bitten the lady in the ankles n' told her to sit down n' relax already. Yeesh. But what's a pirate to do?

Then we got to see Uncle John and Auntie Amy's play called 10 Speed Revolution. Yarr! Now we be talkin'! T'was a piece about punk rock n' anarchy n' bicycle theft. I curled up n' slept through most o' the play, includin' through a nuclear blast, lots o' shoutin' n' pretty loud music. I be thinkin' all the tappin' at dinner wore me out. I fell asleep in the dinghy on the way back to the ship, n' woke up just long enough to say hello to the rest o' the crew. It was almost the new day when we arrived back on board, n' I'm only now startin' to regain me cultured consciousness. Almost 11 hours o' sleep for a wee pirate... not bad. The Captain even let me sleep in!

All this theatre stuff makes me wee brain ache. I be thinkin' it's time to retire to me hammock. Yarr!