July 22, 2005
Honorable Battle Wounds |
Ow.
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The waves rolled high, the thunder crashed, the ship swayed from side to side... arrrrr, it tossed us about like squirrels in a dryer. That's when it attacked our ship. I was on deck when I heard a noise - a dull, echoing, sea-monsterly thudding sound. Throwin' caution to the winds (and me right mind to Davey Jones's locker), o'er the gate I leaped! With me ears tucked, me sword drawn, I was ready to defend me ship, mateys n' me swag... but as I landed o'er the other side, the deceitful sea-monster cut me leg with its sharp sabre! It wasn't at the door after all... no... the stealthy creature lurked right on the other side o' the gate! Yarrr.
There was a shatterin' sound. The evil sea-monster stood no chance against me superior skill n' agility. Bravely, I fought it off, n' crushed its skull against the cold tile o' the deck.
The Captain came a-rushin' to see and said "Pirate, me lad, ye be wounded!"
"Fear not, yarr," said I, "For I have defended ye against the malevolent ceramic bowl sea-monster that lay here in wait, ready to bite ye in the leg."
"That all be well and good," she sighed as she picked up the pieces of the foe I had so bravely vanquished, "but if we don't hie ye dungbie to the ship's surgeon, ye'll end up with a peg leg."
"Um... Parley?"
"The right o' parley only brings you to the Captain, me lad, n' the Captain I be... Off to sick bay with ye."
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Fearin' for me attractiveness to the wenches, I acquiesced to the Captain's request. The Navigator navigated back from his daytime island n' took me sorry curlybottom to the ship surgeon with the Captain. Last time I was in sick bay, I found out the truth about tutorin', n' so I didn't feel too... comfortable... 'bout venturin' off back there. Still, the Captain sat on the floor with me n' gave me a puppy massage (whoever be the wench who invented TTouch, may she receive her weight in dehydrated liver) When the ship surgeon's right hand man, Dr. Krull (now that's an ominous name for a pirate's surgeon, aye...) came in, I was snoozin' with me head on the Captain's leg, gruntin' happily as she massaged me brave lil' self. Dr. Krull asked for one hisself, but thankfully the Captain laughed it off. Otherwise, I'd have had to tell him that these be reserved for ME.
So Dr. Krull poked and prodded, n' I stood very bravely (bravely!) up on his torture table. Then, he took me "out back". The other dogs on board the ship had told me about this "Old Yeller" story, n' the idea o' bein' taken in ropes n' chains "out back" didn't sound appealin' in the slightest. AND I WAS RIGHT. He shaved a spot on me leg. He had strange creatures hold me... he jabbed at me with things! He poked around! Then, oh insult o' insults, he stapled me leg back together again! As if that wasn't enough torture, I've no manner o' luck, he bandaged it up to hide his dirty work, he did...
The Captain n' Navigator took me back home, n' they say I sulked for a while. It wasn't sulking, it was mutiny plannin' and designin' a capture n' release-in-the-wild mechanism for ship surgeons. I like them fine 'nuff, but it'd be nice if they kept their paws to themselves. Yarrr...
The bandage came off today n' now I sport me battle wound proudly. There be two staples n' the cut be healin' fine. It's not very big, maybe an inch or so, but do tell the wenches that it be a frightfully large wound but that I'll live (bravely!). All this fuss for a wee cut on me leg could damage me reputation. Yarr. Might as well milk it for what it be worth. They say I be lucky, I only nicked me tendon. It be achin' but I be brave n' besides, it got me out o' havin' to get me bath n' walk the plank.
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Sleepin' it off. |
Retrievin' to hand is degradin', but throwin' toys at the Captain's head isn't all it's cracked up to be. |
In unrelated pirate-y news, I outsmarted me Captain durin' Wednesday's drill trainin', even with me achin' paw! She was makin' me fetch things off o' a chair n' a table n' I was doin' great. We practiced with me favourite ball (the one me auntie Tanya sent me) first. This whole "hit the deck, ye scurvy dog!" n' "stay there until I tell ye to move!" sequence isn't me idea o' an expedient way to do things, but again, what the Captain says goes. We be a-practicin' this a while. Down, staaaaaay... off goes the Captain, puts the ball back on the chair or the table... returns n' sits next to me... and sends me off. O'er and o'er a couple of times with other objects too n' I had to bring back the right one. I be so clever! Finally, near the end of me trainin', we went back to me ball (since that be me favourite, it's the Captain's way o' sayin' "Yarr, good sailor!")... when she makes me wait... and wait... and wait... and finally she tells me "Fetch it up n' bring it to me, ye bilge rat!"
Off I went! I got me ball from the chair and did a victory lap around the deck, throwin' the ball for meself! Finally! Reward! MINE MINE MINE MINE!... MY PRECIOUS! Then, I heard the Captain say from her spot on the floor next to Dmitri, "Wrong. Pirate, bring it here!" n' so I stopped n' had to think 'bout that a second or two. Maybe I had too much grog earlier n' didn't really think about me task! Not intendin' to become the whippin' boy o' this ship, I went o'er to the chair, put me ball back up there, n' trotted back to the Captain... I flopped down beside her, but before she could say anything, I got up, got the ball and dropped it in her lap. See? I remembered the exercise, all by me onsies. The Captain laughed and told me I be clever (well of course I be clever, silly wench! Arr...) n' then we started more difficult problems like pickin' up keys n' odd things off strange surfaces.
Blow high, blow low, and so sailed we...
~Pirate, bravely
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