Message In A Bottle

Hi Pirate,

My name is NO! NO! Little Bear. I know that sounds like a funny name but that is what my family calls me. I remember Dad saying they should name me Bear. Mom said "Little Bear" would be cuter...but all they ever call me is NO! NO! Little Bear.

I am 9 months big now. I've already started lifting my leg. (I know it makes my Dad proud). Dad said his last dog, Rambo, didn't learn to do it until he was 2 years old.

I'm writing to you cause I'm in BIG trouble. Mom and Dad were gone to town the other day and I ate one of the cushions off the couch. I didn't eat the whole thing...I just took a couple bites out of it. It was full of fluffy white stuffing. I tried to hide the cushion but the stuffin kept falling out all over the house. Then Destiny decided to help me but I didn't want to give up the cushion so she chased me for a while. There was more sticking out of the cushion so I pulled it out, too. No matter how much I pulled out, there was always more. I tried to hide the fluffy white stuff in the flower pot where I usually hide my bones and it spilled so I just scattered the dirt around hoping no one would notice. When Mom got home she started screaming!!! She locked my doggie door and made me stay outside for an hour...in the Arizona heat!!! Dad was realllly mad. He said Mom needed to find me a new home. Mom said NO WAY! Now they are talking about making me stay in that darned cage again...another story I'll tell you another time. Any suggestions? I really don't mean to be bad but things just never seem to work out right. How do you be good?

Thanks for your advice.

NO! NO! Little Bear

Ahoy, No!No! Little Bear!

So ye be havin' the naughties, eh? Yarr, I be familiar with those. What the humans simply do not seem to be a-wrappin' their wee lil' brains 'round is the call o' the stuffin's. I mean, it be the siren-call o' the stuffin's that gets us into trouble a lot. Ask me Captain, I have a-gutted a number of pillows, most of me stuffed toys, and like ye, I managed to sneak past the Captain, the Navigator and the rest of the crew to satisfy me de-stuffin' addiction n' pulled out the fluffy white stuff from a couch cushion.

They do not understand that the white fluffy stuff, it calls to us. It be the greatest treasure a puppy can find! The more you pull it out, the more seems to appear! It's... oh shiver me timbers... it's the greatest feelin' o' conquest a pirate can feel! It's heavenly! It's a close second to wench-snuggles!

There be little ways to escape the brig, me chum. I get me sorry dungby thrown into the brig if the Captain and Navigator leave the ship. I wish I knew how to be "good", t'be honest with ye, but it just not be the way wee aussies should be. If worse comes to worse, pull out all the stops with the Wench o' the House. They're usually softies at heart n' it will prevent ye from a-dancin' the hempen jig so early in ye life.

Work ye charms, young sailor, for it'll get ye out of trouble most of the time. If ye can get ye "dad" thingie to say, "Aw, but look at that there wee face!" ya know ye managed to get away with murder, savvy? It's all about bein' suave and coy on cue.

Yars truly,

Pirate
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