December, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

Another year has passed. On the surface there has been relatively little change in our Minnesota household. However, time and children do not stand still, and 2004 has shown us that life as we have known it cannot continue indefinitely.

Our younger so, Thomas, is now 14 years old. He is severely autistic, having very little functional speech. He is also on a severely restricted diet; no gluten (wheat) or casein (milk) products. He is now in the Special Ed program at Roseville Area High School. He finished the Middle School program in June, and his transition to the High School was the smoothest we have experienced. This are largely due to his wonderful teachers at both schools, for whom we very thankful.

We have been coping with Tom’s problems one way and another for over a decade, during which Tom has grown...and grown...and grown. He weighs over 130 pounds, and is quite strong. Most of the time he is quite well behaved and often rather sweet, so this does not matter.

However, most is not all: Sometime he will physically attack James (his older brother) for no apparent reason. Other times he will show his annoyance by breaking things around the house, notably plates. He is stronger than Mia and James, so when he gets into a rage he is very difficult to restrain. We cannot continue like this indefinitely. It getting harder for all of us, including Tom. We are starting the search for a Group home where he can live with professional care being always available. We knew this day would come, but the anticipation has not made it easier. The process may take years, so we need to start now.

Mia here. The placement issue came to a head when I basically freaked out at the thought of trying to get him through another summer. The psychiatrist gave me three new medications and official permission to be overwhelmed. What we want to do is to find him a good home before we run into a crisis situation and have to shove him into a crisis placement.

Getting him placed will be a struggle. The State has no money and refuses to raise taxes, so adults have a much better hope of getting placed than teens, no matter how strong or unpredictable. If we played it their way, we’d just hold on till the crisis came, but then we wouldn’t have anything permanent set up for him. We are doing what we can to improve our odds. I really can’t do this when he’s taller than me. Leverage is the only advantage I have left, and it’s getting to the point where the only way I have to stop him is to hurt him. Please pray for us that we find our way through this with everyone intact.

James is now 17, and a Senior at Roseville Area High School. While very bright and verbal, he has Asperger’s syndrome. The consequences of this have become more noticeable. He is prone to "forget" his responsibilities in school (e.g. homework ) and elsewhere, and has poor impulse control. He is not ready to go out into the world after High School. We will continue to take care of him, and are making the necessary arrangements.

James will continue to get support from the school district until he turns 21. They will tailor an individual program to meet his needs and support his interests, with either college or vocational classes. This process has already begun; he seems to like hands-on work--machinery of various kinds and so forth.

Mia continues to garden, to knit, sew, and make bobbin lace as time permits. Some friends gave us an old piano, and she practises on that when she can.

I continue to work for Hennepin County in Downtown Minneapolis. I do Database Administration and software support. The economy here is finally improving, and several of my co-workers have left for higher wages in the private sector. This is not an option for me. Fortunately my work is interesting and I am able to make the necessary schedule adjustments for family issues as they occur.

At home I continue to explore traditional woodworking. My big new toy is a home-built pole lathe. I also have made my own workbench and a shaving horse.

You should know, if you don’t already, that traditional woodworking involves no electricity. Glenn uses planes, drawknives, and other hand tools. He is experimenting both with dry wood and with green wood--a great deal of traditional woodworking was done with green wood because it was easier to split. The pole lathe is powered by a treadle to spin the work one way--a springy pole is used to pull it back the other.

Mia and I completed a second year on the committee for Minicon, an annual science fiction convention here. However, we cannot do this again--coping with Tom at the Convention was too hard. It occurs on Easter weekend, when there is no possibility of respite care. On the bright side, we may be able to go to more of the Easter church services.

Mia and I continue to be members of Clann Tartan, a historical re-enactment group that we discovered a couple years ago. Their country dance guild meets almost every week, giving us the dance fix that is important to our mental health and well being. We get to a few other events as our schedule permits, and twice this year we were able to camp out at group events (one night in sub-freezing temperatures). We hope to do more in coming years (The camping, not necessarily the freezing).

Late-breaking news--James was just seen by an optical muscle specialist. He has been experiencing double vision for some weeks--this is a worsening of a long-standing weakness, and it is now so bad that he will be having eye surgery in a few weeks. Please keep him also in your prayers.

May your Christmas and New Year be filled with Joy and Blessings.

Mia and Glenn McDavid

Go to Glenn's home page, or to Mia's. See our 2003 or 2005 Christmas letters or the index of letters.

Email to Mia or to Glenn.